Happy holidays to all! I hope cherished memories were made and you ate lots of deliciously naughty foods!
I have been rather quiet and introspective lately. I haven’t been blogging or posting. Haven’t had a lot to say. There is always something brewing when this occurs…
Yesterday, as Joe and I drove 470 miles home from holiday celebrations with my side of the family, I was playing car-DJ when I decided we needed to amp the situation up for some additional energy.
On my playlist, I came across Rage Against the Machine’s, Killing in the Name Of. For those of you that are familiar and appreciate this band, you know that they are all about, fuck the man! Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!!!
I didn’t just listen, I felt. To the very core of my being. I’m all about expressing oppression through my lens. My personal experience. I can’t know anyone else’s journey. It’s kind of my thing. But I also realized that I wanted to be seen so badly, but remain invisible. Am I living in the comfort of my own frustration at not being heard? The feeling I was getting from the music was as powerful as singing from the highest mountain top. So much so I had to look away from my own power, my nakedness, imposing on myself to stay back in the shadows.
This is the source of it all…the crux if you will, of my deepest yearnings and the barriers to my happiness. To be heard and in doing so, others will come forward that feel this same way. It is what makes me get up in the morning, makes me feel as if I, the power of one, can make a difference.
There has been talk of ‘the gap’ amongst my peers. The place we all (not just creatives) come to after one of life’s completions. Everything leading up to the goal and when that is attained, there we are flapping in the wind. Standing still for a moment, not able to move or think. These are the times when we must be at our strongest. This is where character is built and reflection and trust are required. No panicking allowed! Your eyes and heart must be open to the subtle signs that the universe gives us to lead us closer to the prize.
Just like the crab must go under a rock to shed its old shell, protecting its softness until the process is complete. This molting is required for growth to the next stage of it’s existence. We humans are exactly the same because we are part of everything that lives. A cycle is a cycle. If we jump from relationship to relationship without ever stopping to wonder what just happened, we are forever running into the future without ever being in the present. how can we learn what we uniquely bring to this world? All we will gather from this type of existence is what others want from us.
Recently, I read that people have a plan for us, of how they want us to be so we can fit into their reality. It isn’t easy being uniquely you, is it? To remain true to who you are.
I have been living in a gap. I have had to trust and feel my way through and not panic or force. I haven’t had much to say, haven’t been blogging or posting. I have been that crab under the rock molting away the last body of work, where I have been and how I’m feeling right now and in general.
It was that song that allowed me to move past the gap. The song about the frustration of being under thumb, about how we do horrific things and call it justice…Those in charge that think they have the right to oppress because they are wearing a badge or hold a gavel…or a bomb. It might as well be about being a woman in the world…men telling us what to do for our own good because they are afraid of what they don’t understand. Telling us what to think and then calling it giving us our freedom…freedom to think just like they want.
I have an idea for a whole new body of work that addresses this feeling of wanting to scream my frustration from a mountain top, yet not wanting anyone to see it was me. I think this work has been the plan my entire life. It has that strength to it. I feel it. it feels like this new plateau of growth will be monumental in my own self discovery. I can’t hide from it anymore. It is what will give life’s blood to my vision.
I trusted that something would be the catalyst for my next step. It proves that I must always be aware and cognicent of the universe’s constant push toward everything I have ever wanted. It is waiting for me and I just need to see the signs of my growth and new understanding through the smallest of offerings, like a song. What song will be your catalyst?
Stay tuned for new work and sign up to receive my blog. I would love for you to follow my journey and tell me what you feel, as well. My hope is that you might see yourself in my art and words. I think this is where my true happiness flows from. Seeing my own reflection staring back and acting on this information is the way to freedom. My truth.
May you shine so bright in love and peace, that your very existence pisses the haters off! Go forth and conquer, my friends…