I heard something that I wanted to share with you…while listening to Brene Brown, a clinical researcher on how shame and low self esteem has ruined our lives and has done a few TED talks…”when you own and come clean with your personal stories, you go from being the subject in it to its narrator. You get to write your own ending…”
Its paraphrased, but you get the idea. Until you take responsibility for your own stuff…past mistakes, regrets, shoulda-coulda-wouldas, what-ifs, shame, embarrassment that someone else put on you…what if you could think of your past as an opportunity to tell your real story of truth? Not boo-hoo poor me, but really owning it. Treat it like the unabridged version of a fabulously exciting novel. Because that’s what it truely is.
There is some editing that needs to done. We all have stories from our past that we see through a distorted lens, but is that who you are now? What if you could start writing your story anyway you wanted from this point forward? Becoming a real storyteller. How would you start the novel…? Where would you begin?
For me, I had to come to terms with the fact that for better or worse, everything that happened to me in the past, formed me into who I am today. I can say that some of what formed me was out of my control, but most were my decisions, I had a choice and I chose. Maybe I thought it was someone else’s fault, but it was all me.
Now is my opportunity to write the novel. It’s not important to know the details of my past…it is part of me but it’s not who I am. Who I am, is original and unique and like everyone else I must uncover my special gifts so I know what legacy I am suppose to leave on this earth, what it is a born to do, what I have to offer. We all have something to offer, we are all talented, quirky, unique and so we all have a different purpose.
Do you get it?! Do you see? We’re grown ups and we can decide how it goes…what I underestimated was the power of the present. It has the power to heal the past in a way that I never thought possible. I only have to live each day one at a time…I can handle that…so each day, I don’t take anything personal…because none of it is personal…I try to be kind to a stranger (still working on that one), be grateful for something in my life, something big or something small…remembering that love always wins and the bad guy only wins in the middle of the story. Each day I wake up I really do say to myself…’today can be anything you want…’
If you feel trapped in your life, if you blame others for your past mistakes, if you only value yourself through others eyes, if you are resentful, sad, angry, frustrated…know that you are choosing to feel you have no control…if you blame others then how can you ever be happy? Taking responsibility for your actions leads to freedom. If everything but you is causing misery then guess what? You can’t change anything. Because you believe you have no control of your own destiny someone else does.
None of this is going to be easy…it’s an attitude adjustment and with change comes discomfort. Not just yours, but those around you. “Gee, she’s never said no before” “What do you mean by ‘this doesn’t work’ for me?” While you’re writing your new chapter, feeling more and more powerful, others may feel weaker and weaker…they think you might require them to change, too…some people in your life might fall by the wayside…but the ones that are your cheerleaders and love you no matter what, will be excited for you…the people that might not understand what in the hell you’re doing, but see how excited you are and that’s enough for them to be happy too. Those are the keepers.
So go out and write a new chapter for your life. How will it start? You are the storyteller of your life don’t let another write your novel for you…don’t be the subject, be the narrator!
Love yourself first, it’s how you learn to love others.