alLately I have been thinking about balance. Physically, I fell apart after going a long while without yoga or an adjustment from my Chiro…I became a head without a body and I paid for that error in judgement…so now that I’m straightened out (no pun intended)…other balance issues began creeping up.
The sudden loss of a friend had my mind whirling…we had wanted to get together with this friend, but never made it happen because of this and that. Now, here we were at a memorial. So this weekend I have said yes to seeing some of my oldest and dearest friends. Because I don’t want the next time I see them to be at their funeral…so I’m balancing my social life, spending time with people I love and saying yes more often.
But what about the balance of good and bad, light and dark within ourselves? I am a person who sees the glass half full, I can spin a positive out of any horrible situation. When someone is sad I won’t hear of it and spend time trying to make them un-sad…it is exhausting work being light and bright all the time. Through some deep personal work I’m doing, I found that making friends with the more sinister Phaedra is necessary to keep me in balance. Well, ‘sinister’ might be stretching it a bit, but the darker me…I have to face her and take a good look. I must accept and make peace with her.
So how can we do this? Because most of us aren’t sure if we want to see the under carriage of ourselves. So, I decided to recruit my trusty husband to let me know when I’m being a jerk. I know, sounds easy (and maybe a little fun), but he has a hard time with this because he thinks we will have a fight if he says, hey, that’s not very nice or you hurt so n so’s feelings at the get together…it isn’t true because I need to know how the world sees me…the dark and the light. I see it like this…someone you love and trust has your back. Its part of trust. I’m trusting him to tap me on the shoulder when I’ve gone off the rails. I say crappy stuff to him and don’t know I have. The truth is most of us never mean to hurt others, but we do. If we knew certain things were hurtful, maybe we would keep our mouth shut next time…more than that, by knowing the dark parts we get the opportunity to control them better.
Many don’t want or think it’s unnecessary to know the dark parts…only pretty things, nothing ugly, please and thank you! To have pretty there must be ugly, it must be dark before it can get light…we are all both dark and light…I can tell you what I know about me…I’m a bossy know-it-all (because I’m an oldest sibling and we always know what’s best for everyone), I don’t have much patience for anything, I have a flash temper and sometimes say very dark things…then the next minute I’m laughing and hugging you…I’m truly no picnic to live with…I live in clutter, but I am clean…I never shut my mouth, but I can keep a secret to the grave…I love to laugh and I cry over almost anything…I’m kind and giving and selfish with my time…dark, light, dark light…there are many other bits I haven’t got to know yet but I’m working on that. Bottom line, the dark side is not the bad side. It is the counter weight to light…think about it…it feels good to come clean with yourself.